Strongly weak

I still need that someone in my life
someone who's ok to break in front of and to shatter
someone who has the ability to always say and do the right thing when I need it,
someone who can see the beauty of the depth no matter how ugly it appears on surface.


I miss having someone who I can tell stuff that I can't even tell myself,
that I can't even remember!
I want someone that i can remember their words about my f*cked up deeds that I vaguely remember.


I NEED TO BE SELFISH AROUND ONE PERSON
to be mean to be lazy to have a f*cked up life and f*cked up relations and don't worry about looking weak in front of them!
I want someone to grief in front of without making them uncomfortable
I want to break to scream and let it all go, to shatter all over the place.


I used to have that someone, now they're no longer here
and it's so hard to keep it all to myself!
and it's harder to grief about losing them alone
tried to talk and tried to break tried to let it loose and to show my weakness but i couldn't
I AM TOO WEAK TO SHOW MY WEAKNESS

oh what I would do to just go by her house and find her there waiting for me to talk it out,
what I would give for a phone call where I hear her voice telling me what I did wrong and why I should stop,
I would do it all for a text saying:  i miss you too.


I am strong.
S.Me Thinking..