My Darkest secret

have you ever felt like you wanna scream but someone is stopping you?
i have a similar feeling to that.. it's just exactly the opposite .. it's me the one who's stopping my scream
i can't stay quite
i can't handle this secret
i can't carry on with a black hole in my head that i can't see through it...

i'm screaming ... i'm screaming but you can't hear me
no one can
i'm holding my scream with my own hand
sometime i can't breath anymore ..
i feel .. i'm feeling it
the hole in my life the misunderstanding ... the CHOICE of silence

it's hard to say it but it's harder to keep it to my self
it has been there for so long that sometime's i forget what is this pain

i am in a dark place .. a lonely creature screaming so quietly, hiding in the shadows.
i wanna come out of here.. get me out of here

if you're here to know the secret don't give up.. you'll find it, it's all over me.

now tell me what is yours?
still reading? thanx..

S.Me

the warmth in you

sometime we refer to someone as a cold or a warm person.. and it has nothing to do with their actual temperature ..

what made me think of it is that cold weather makes you more of a warm person, you start to like hugging your friends and love ones more, and you like the fuzzy feeling of that huge hoodie you got!

you like setting next to the fireplace or the heater and you like the clumsiness of that person next to you trying to warm their feet .. and you definitely like the feeling of that warm french latte cup in your cold hands and the sensual smell of it...

cold weather makes you layer your clothes and wear hats and scarves, sometimes you look like a little kid.. you become that adorable fuzzy thing seeking for warmth.. and i'm telling you you're getting it...

 for me.. i hate winter cause i'm a S.A.D person "seasonal affective disorder" and that season happen to be the cold one! but there is other ways of comforting me in that season... and to get my inner warmth out there...

even though hot weather makes you more of a lose fun person , nothing like when everything out there looks so cold but feels so warm with the closeness of a warm chat with friends over a cup of coffee in a little place ...

if you're still reading.. thank you

S.Me

Why i love birthdays

I F* HATE my BIRTHDAY!!!
i love it when it's someone else's birthday where i get to plan everything and all the shit their gonna get like the cake the timing oh and the surprise how crazy i get just thinking of surprising someone..

then again i specially hate it when someone surprises me, i hate all the drama before the surprise where they try to get your hopes down, sometimes it works that i actually don't wanna do anything on my BD anymore.. then sometimes i just know what their trying to do and it ruins it for them so i just have to act all birthDAY long! one year i even planed my self the whole party so no one would have the chance to surprise me!

although this year.. i just had a birthday, and it went all amazing! i have no idea why it doesn't happen like this every year.. where no hopes were crashed or acting required ! i just went out with friends no surprises attached i know they know it's just a birthday... then when i got there i was surprised that ALL my "close" friends were there and there was a customized cake .. in a place i picked and ppl i love! see? that's a surprise without the "shittiness".

yes i'm 21 and i started this year with a very successful day.. i guess i can handle the rest of it

if you're still reading... thank you
S.me